I promise I won't apologise for not posting in a while every time I get around to posting, but this time I will apologise for not posting in a while.
This isn't just a post about singing. It's the kind of post I would normally reserve for my Incompetent Soprano blog but I feel this subject could apply to many aspects of life and many different vocations so is also something we should think about at The Enlightened Singer as well.
I have been thinking a lot, recently, about what is holding me back and I think it comes down to something quite simple really. The problem is I'm not sure which way the pendulum is swinging for me right now. Am I afraid to fail or am I afraid to succeed?
I can't work out why I keep putting obstacles in my own way. I suppose it doesn't really matter which it is as the outcome is the same and I can't seem to move forward. Do you find you have many ideas and aspirations for how your life could go but you can't seem to make them come to fruition? If you answer no to this then you need not read any further and I wish you the best of luck. However, if you answered yes, please read on and perhaps we can help each other.
Unfortunately I don't have an exact answer to this so don't expect me to solve your dilemmas here and now but I thought we could try and talk it out for all our sakes.
I am pretty sure my fear is a fear of success rather than failure. When I was a full time actress/singer I am convinced I put obstacles in my way to stop myself getting jobs when I auditioned. I would make sure I kept my weight a little higher (at times a lot higher) than I wanted it to be so I would always feel like there was no way I would be picked as I would be the wrong shape to be cast. I also wouldn't always do enough preparation or research and any opportunity to thwart my own efforts I would take.
I stopped putting myself in that position as an actress/singer about 8 years ago but since then I have done the same with every other venture. I do just enough to get by but I have so many ideas floating around in my head and if I could just try and put one of these ideas into practice then I would feel like I was succeeding.
So what can we do to make all these fabulous things start happening? Well, journaling is a good start, they say. 5-10 minutes every morning to help manifest our desires. So this is where I will start and we'll see if that's at all helpful. I hope you'll join me and we will reconvene in a week or so to talk about other ways we can make stuff happen.
Happy journaling and please comment below if you have any ideas to help us manifest fabulousness!